Solo travel with social anxiety can seem daunting, but it can be a powerful way to gain efficacy and exposure therapy while doing something fun. In this blog post, I’ll share tips and strategies to help you make the most of your trip, set realistic goals, and create meaningful connections on your journey. Whether you’re a seasoned solo traveler or taking your first steps into the world of independent travel, these insights will help you feel more confident and prepared for the adventure ahead.
Find the right hostel
Staying in a hostel is by far the easiest way to meet other travelers. If you’re interested in meeting people, I highly recommend you stay at one.
The room
For those that value alone time, a private room is a good option if it’s within your budget. This allows you to reap all the benefits of a hostel without sacrificing your sleep or personal space.
If you want to stay in a dorm, I recommend looking for one with privacy curtains. These make a huge difference for me, as I don’t feel like I can fully relax when people are looking at me. I know, I know, people are probably not looking at me, that’s the social anxiety talking. Regardless, I like the option to hide behind my curtain. It also allows me to pop out and say hi if people are talking, or stay quiet and hidden if I’m not in the mood for conversation. If I had no curtain and was just laying in bed, ignoring the conversation around me, I’d likely be perceived as unfriendly and people would be less likely to initiate conversation with me. With the curtain, I can respect my social battery and only meet people on my terms.
Another tip is to book through HostelWorld. This is because you the HostelWorld app has group chats for the specific city or hostel that you’re staying in. For those of us with social anxiety, posting an open invite to grab food in a group chat is likely less intimidating than actually asking strangers in a hostel.
Activities
This is the first thing I look for in any hostel. Do they host their own activities? If so, are they only beer pong contests and bar crawls? I’m personally not too interested in partying, so if a hostel has a strong lineup of nighttime activities but nothing in the daytime, it’s not the right fit for me. On the other hand, things like family dinners and walking tours are great ways to meet laid-back people for those not into nightlife. If you are travelling somewhere where the attractions are far apart or public transport is limited, hostel tours are especially helpful for removing barriers around transportation.
Conversation starters
Starting a conversation in a hostel can be easier if you have a few go-to topics in mind. Travel experiences are a natural starting point—ask fellow travelers where they’ve been, where they’re headed, and if they have any recommendations for must-see spots. Sharing your own travel stories can also break the ice. Discussing local attractions and activities is another great way to bond, and you might find someone to join you on an excursion. Food is always a universal topic; ask about favorite local dishes or the best nearby eateries.
Setting goals
My first solo trip, I made a goal to greet everyone in each dorm room I stayed in. Depending where you are in your journey, this might be trivial or it might be a big challenge. For me, this filled me with dread but I was always proud of myself afterwards. Some people would start a conversation, others would just smile, and some would just look at me in confusion. Each time, though, it got less scary, and it slowly helped rewire my default behavior when walking into a room.
Fear ladders
A fear ladder is a tool used in cognitive behavioral therapy that involves listing situations or tasks that cause varying levels of anxiety. To create your own fear ladder, think of all the situations where you feel anxious. Brainstorm and list different situations, tasks, or exposures where you feel your social anxiety, such as asking someone on a date or disagreeing with your boss in a meeting. These should vary in their level of intensity or anxiety they provoke. Then, rank them from least to most anxiety-provoking on a scale of 0-100.
Now, you can make goals to start doing the items on your fear ladder that cause the least amount of anxiety. These goals will be highly dependent on each individual. Each person has different comfort levels in different scenarios, and different priorities. As I improved in my social anxiety, I was confident starting one on one conversations but would never contribute in groups of people. So, I had to work on opening up in group settings.
Here are some examples of what some your goals may look like:
- Start a conversation with one new person a day
- Participate hostel activity
- Talk to three people during the free walking tour
- Ask one person to hang out each day
- Have a drink at the bar without using your phone
- Find people to do an activity with you
- Ask if you can join a big table of people during the hostel breakfast
Manage expectations
If you are crippled by anxiety in your daily life but expect to make dozens of friends in your first two days solo travelling, I have bad news for you. Yes, we’ve all heard how easy it is to make friends in a hostel, and I do find people in hostels to be kinder and easier to talk to than on average than people I meet in “real life”. But, for those of us who find even initiating a conversation to be a challenge, it’s not going to come to us without effort. If you want to meet people, it will be much easier if you try to look approachable, hang out in common areas, and go to some of the hostel events. Travel is the perfect opportunity to get outside of your comfort zone, so I encourage you to give it a try!
Have a plan
I always fear that I’m going to spend the whole trip bored in my room and scared to talk to people. That hasn’t happened, and I don’t think it will at this point. But, it can be reassuring to create an itinerary or a list of things you want to do/see. If you aren’t meeting anyone, you can do one of those things alone and still have a good time.
Find the right location
Solo travel with social anxiety can be overwhelming. For your first solo trip, I encourage you to pick somewhere that you feel comfortable exploring alone. If, for example, you get anxious in big crowds, try getting away to a small town or into the outdoors. You may want to consider what factors are important to make you feel comfortable. For example, I’m fine going to countries where English is not the primary language, but I get anxious when I need to navigate taxis or arrange private transportation. So, I prefer to go places where public transport is abundant. It can also be helpful to plan something close to home so that you have an easy backup plan.
Conclusion
Solo travel with social anxiety can be challenging, but it’s also incredibly rewarding. By choosing the right hostel, setting achievable goals, and managing your expectations, you can make meaningful connections and have memorable experiences. Remember to use tools like fear ladders to gradually confront your anxieties and always have a plan to fall back on. Most importantly, be kind to yourself and recognize your efforts. Stepping out of your comfort zone, even in small ways, is a significant achievement and a step toward a more confident, connected you.
